Flava Flav Returns to Embarass Himself Again

Flava Flav has returned to VH1 for yet another trainwreck reality show. Flava has bills to pay, yo, those gold teeth aren't free...and neither are those clocks (I imagine he changes them every day).

On the season premier he gets upset that some of the "women" on the show aren't hot enough.

2 Things

1. Some????? Try... ALL of the "women" on the show aren't hot enough.

2. Flava Flav looks like an over cooked gremlin. He is smelly, he is sweaty, he is musty, he probably has moldy patches, and he is OLD. And Come on, if he had any money he wouldn't be on VH1! Anyway, the point is he should cling on to whatever he can get!

Question -- How is this man fathering so many children? Who is having sex with him? Isn't that about as bad as doing it with Michael Jackson?

Anyway if you want to watch a good old fashioned Train Wreck, an are tired of Britney Spears...then Tunes into VH1 for Flava of Love.

SHOCKER! Reality Shows Not Real!

In what may be the most blatantly obvious news I've brought since I declared that Jessica Simpson is an Idiot, it seems that those celebrity dating shows are, in fact........ FAKE.

I'll give you a moment to calm yourself.

Remember Delishees from Flavor of Love? Well she is alleging that Flav never returns her calls, now that the show is over. So, you mean, that she wasn't faking her interest in Flava Flav just for the 15 minutes? She is actually upset that he hasnt' called her after the show? That's the most shocking part to me. How anybody could actually want that wrinkled and smelly old gremlin is WAY beyond my realm of comprehension. I mean are we really expected to believe that this group of...Ladies (and by ladies i mean ex-hookers hellbent on fame) could want this man. I mean none of those girls was anything to get excited about...the Best of the best of those girls was only a 5 out of 10, the rest averaging out to a 3.4. But on the hot-o-meter, flav is only a 1.4 (mostly thanks to his musty aroma), leaving most of those girls out of his league.


Other outlets are reporting that Tila Tequila isn't even a real bisexual, but faking it for the publicity. This is incredible. I mean, as a skanky myspace ho, she had a lot of integrity. That she would use a cable based reality program to further her fame blows my mind. Speaking of blowing...who did she have to to get that program? Couldn't they have found some other F list celebrity to pretend to be bi...maybe one who didn't act like an annoying robot?

anyway, by the time that A Shot of Love 2 comes out I'm sure that Tila and her "acquaitance" Bobby will have a nice excuse for why they broke up. After all the show has some creative writers...or are they on strike?

Really all the proof you need that the shows are fake are on the "reunion specials" Isn't it nice that they always break up on the reunion special. Of course, purely coincidental.

For more information on on how annoyingness and hotness relate see my blog on The Crazy & Hot Continuum.

Real World: Sydney Recap

The Real World: Sydney became slightly more exciting when castmember Shavon left to please her whiny boyfriend. That's about the most exciting thing to happen on this show in years! oh yeah they also went to Cairns to bunjee jump,and then the audience fell asleep

Yep, The Hills is Fake

This video just exposes what we all already know. A paprazo explaining how Heidi and Spencer make money off of their lame photo ops. Yes, you may hate them but you are making them money and helping them to purchase overpriced clothing by caring about their twisted relationship



Again, their relationship is so horrible that this shouldn't be a surprise to anyone with any sense. Is anything on this show real? Well, Heidi's tits just might be the most real thing about it.

Tantastic

Just when i thought reality tv shows couldn't get any more superficial, i flip past the greatest show ever produced for the E! Network, Sunset Tan. The premise of the show is a tanning salon.

Yes, that's it, just a tanning salon.

The extra-guido owner has hired two Paris Hilton-esque twins to work for them. lets just say that to call these girls are mentally challenged is being nice. The show follows their foibles as they do crazy things such as: tan a nerd, tan celebrities, break tanning light bulbs, dont' sell enough lotion, etc.

Take a look at this clip with "celebrity" Chris Kattan.



First of all, Chris Kattan is the big celebrity? Since when? Also why are these two skanks trying to pimp themselves out to a middle aged celebrity? Is this show even real...or are these girls so dumb you just can't believe its real. Sadly I think we all know the answer to that.

The Real Fake World

Is it just me or has The Real World franchise gotten a whole lot stupider. Remember back in the day when the show discussed issues like AIDS, race relations, mental disease. Now its just spoiled drunk whores who want their 15 minutes of fame.

When did this begin? My theory is that it began after one of the original Real World cast members, Eric Neis, got a job on MTV. This point was the begining of then end, when every moron and moronette on the show realized...hey i could spin this into some fame! So instead of being real they became as fake as possible, turning the Real World closer and closer into the yet to be produced, Laguna Beach.

People don't need to be real for reality tv...they need to be fake, to create ridiculous drama that wouldn't occur in the real world. Furthermore, instead of doing anything interesting like promoting a cause they just get drunk and act like whores. Instead of fighting about something that matters, they go at it over other things.

Like, ummmmm for example...Shavonda and Parisa like the same guy!!! omg u guyz!! but Parisa talked to him so shavonda started bitching but she already has a boyfriend but parisa called her a whore and that is sooo unfair! These things matter !

Confused? Bewildered? Disgusted? Did you throw up a little in your mouth? Good, that's how you should feel.

This still doesn't even compare to the really good fights that have gone on before.
The following is the 3 greatest bitch fights in Real World History

Brooke Vs. City of Denver -- she couldn't find the beauty salon and began yelling at the lamp posts and bums

Brynn V. Stephen -- She threw a fork at him and he deemed her dangerous and threatening

CT V. Tina -- She bought 2 lbs of ham and ct ate half of it!!!

That stuff is so unfair...i mean a fork! That could have messed up his gelled hair and then he's have to redo it!! And God forbid it hit him in his face and he end up not so pretty anymore.

side note: does anybody remember Tonya and all her issues? "Oh my God, its a black guy" haha

The thing is none of this stuff matters, but we act like it does. What if we put this much effort into caring about AIDS in Africa, the broken education system, or the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan?

The Hills...Fake? NO WAY

Shocking news broke earlier in the week with THIS crazy interview. The allegations: that MTV reality show "The Hills" is scripted and the drama is not, in fact, real. It has already been concluded that the people are fake, however.

The most shocking of these allegations, that Brody Jenner is "a pretty chill guy"

"Absolutely, from the very beginning. Like, they totally set up the BBQ scene for Brody and I to meet each other and talk because, as they said, “the audience would get a kick out of seeing ‘the ex’ talking to ‘the new guy’.” So they rent this house in Malibu for a set, bought a bunch of food and drinks, and just filmed us hanging out. Brody would talk all this sh*t, then be like, “Sorry about that, we’re just trying to make good television.”

Like, furthermore, LC, like, allegedly, doesn't have, like, a complex thought in her head, and may even be "shallow".

OMG!!!

"I honestly had a really hard time talking to her - she’s kind of a conversation killer, and when the cameras are rolling, all conversation is kept firmly on the surface. She talked about how mean Perez Hilton was, and how you have to be nice to the Paparazzi so they don’t release the uglier pictures of you. I don’t know – pop culture, Red Bull, stuff like that. In fact, the most interesting thing I got out of her was that she isn’t allowed to eat ice cream because her trainer told her she can’t."



This damning evidence proves that the shows producers are liars when they claim that the people are the drama are "real".

Like, is this really shocking though? The show gets multiple camera angles and the actors are never seen when they aren't made up. Are we really to expect that these spoiled people all have jobs and go to school? Yeah right. How does one get an internship at Teen Vogue when she hasn't even started her freshman year at some third rate college anyway? I'm sure MTV and viacom had nothing to do with that.

The point is people don't care if The Hills is real or not they just want a life filled with drama. If we do have to watch these stupid shows i hope we can take something positive away from them. Lest, we simply waste 25 minutes of our lives on the show. At least we can look at the people on these shows and say, at least im not Heidi or LC, who in 10 years aren't even going to be able to gain employment in a porno.

Quit Being Crazy

I think everybody has to take a good and hard look at this video. Its about how people create the drama in their lives theirselves.

http://www.mandjshow.com/videos/self-sabotage/

So everyone should think about that lest their lives take a turn like these videos and everyone begins asking if they can be america's next top model