Britney Spears: Role Model for College Kids Everywhere

So Britney Spears has been cast as a crazy, out of control, slightly sympathetic villan by today's media outlets. Britney does all kinds of Crazy things She drinks like a sailor. May, possibly, have other substances enter her body through her nostrils or veins. She neglects her responsibilities and hygiene. She drives dangerously. She hooks up with random guys and bad influences. Worst of all she loves attention and even goes to starbucks daily!

This is awful...she sounds like...like....well like any average college student at a major public university.

Why do we love reading about her??? Cause she's juuust like us. Think about college. Drinking every day, neglecting your responsibilities, living in a filthy dorm and having to shower with an entire floor of people. Yes, there are always those people willing to take a shower in the dorms without shower shoes. Not me, though.

And don't even get me started with the hookups...like that's anything new. As for making fun of her constant Starbuck's runs, how is that any different than everybody in this country. Yeah, there's a good reason theres 3 Starbucks on every corner...cause this country is full of 300 million people just like Britney!

Bad drivers that put others at risk...again, i see that every day on every street. Another thing i saw every day at college was erratic behavior. Sorority rituals, bizarre hazings, streaking, random people screaming violent poetry from a podium on the quad. I even witnessed a girl on her cell so distraught over her fight with a boyfriend that her crying and screaming sounded like a pig getting raped by a donkey. After screaming she took her anger and hurt out on an innocent shrub.

Responsibility? What's that? In college, the only responsibility is to go to class, and psshhh...who does that. I mean its thursday...and that's, like, almost the weekend.

So, before you go judging Britney Spears...think of your own life...and how imperfect it is. It's probably not that different from yours. And, if your in college, chances are that you are just like her...maybe take notes. What would Britney do?

Britney gets a new driver and a boyfriend

Could things be looking up for the world's favorite cracked out crazy? HAHA yeah right...but at least she isn't putting her kids in as much danger as before. She's complied with the courts order that she may not drive with her children in her car and hired a driver.

She's also, allegedly, decided to spread her crazy to a new boyfriend. too bad nobody cares.

Britney Hates the Handicapped

Britney spears showed her disdain for the handicapped today by parking in their spot. Last time I checked being lazy and stupid wasn't a disability. Man she just has bad luck with cars, ya'll, maybe she's too stupid to drive. She couldn't be bothered parking two feet to the left while tanning today in LA. In too big of a hurry to read the sign...after all, that kind of reading would have taken her a while, and momma spears had to tan now! No time for reading when she's late to snort lines off of Jayden James' head.

Old French Whore for Halloween

What did Britney Spears go as for halloween? some kind of old french whore...saggy pirate hooker? Judge for yourself

She loves the pussy

Continuing my parade of Britney Spears news...apparently she is now a lesbian, but not just any lesbian, one that demands some junk in the trunk. She claims that she is attracted to amateur porn star Kim Kardashian, who made a sex tape to force her fame upon us poor innocent bystanders. Britney called Kim a "horny beast" and a "real woman". As if the unhinged singer hasn't scarred her children enough she claimed that she liked her ass...it takes a real woman to eat enough cheetos to fill out that butt.

Expect a Britney Jr. Very soon

According to Life & Style Magazine Britney Spears is constantly forgetting to take her pill. She's constantly forgetting where she put them," says an insider, "She seems to find it amusing -- she laughs at how scattered she is." "She seems to think that just because she isn't in a formal relationship, she's somehow immune to getting pregnant."

Well maybe she needs to put more money into education cause apparently she's stupider than a freshman in remedial math.

You'd think that after 2 mistakes she'd learn, but if she has another she can just neglect it some more and maybe make it into some kind of slave? Bring mamma some more of that special water, little Cleutus.

Britney's Spending

According to THIS Britney Spears spends $4,758 a month on eating out. That's a lot of taco bell ya'll

She only spends $500 a month on charity and nothing on education. Big surprise there.

What will she eat when she goes bankrupt though? My guess is her children...

Britney Spears on Drugs and High

"I feel like I'm missing out on life or something" Maybe that's why she's so crazy.

Check out this video of a messed up britney spears eating, babbling, and debating the physics of time travel. It's totally real, ya'll

The Crazy/Hot/Bitch Continuum

I was talking with my friend the other day when the topic of the Crazy/Hot/Bitch Continuum came up. He had never heard of this before, which was shocking so i took it upon myself to educate him.
Now, everybody knows the basic principle. If a girl is really hot, its ok if she's crazy or a bitch. However, her craziness or bitchiness cannot exceed her hotness. This very principle is explained efficiently and excellently in this line graph i have concocted.As it shows, a girl with a crazy factor of "4" is acceptable only if she meets or exceeds a hot factor of 4. girls MUST stay at or above the red line.

This may require an example for maximum educational value.

Exhibit 1: Britney Spears.



5 years ago Britney spears would have been low on the crazy level and high on the hot level making her a perfect catch...she would be well above the red line. Even if she was as crazy as she is now, had she had her previous looks she probably still would have been on or close to the red line making her acceptable. Today, though, Britney does not meet the hot/crazy/bitch standards and falls well below the red line.

The same rule applies to girls who are bitches. replace the "crazy" with 'bitch" and it works just as well. The perfect example of this Madonna. Madonna is a huge bitch, but alas she is no longer hot. Therefore she would also fall below the red line.

Please, implement the use of this graph and methodology. Use it discreetly, however, and good luck