Britney gets a new driver and a boyfriend

Could things be looking up for the world's favorite cracked out crazy? HAHA yeah right...but at least she isn't putting her kids in as much danger as before. She's complied with the courts order that she may not drive with her children in her car and hired a driver.

She's also, allegedly, decided to spread her crazy to a new boyfriend. too bad nobody cares.

Klum and her Boobs

This video would be perfect...if Heidi would shut the fuck up. Here she is ruining a perectly awesome video of boobs with her completely insane german-babble

Paris shows China how we do it

Paris hilton visited China and decided to recreate a few scenes from one of her movies...you know, the only movie of hers that anyone actually watched. Here she is practicing her obscene act for everyone.

Tyson Free! Run for your life!

Everybody cover your ears! Mike Tyson was released this morning after serving 24 hours in jail. the terrifying former boxer spent his time reading "American Gangsta" and will be on probation for 3 years after serving the time for his DUI arrest.

Britney Hates the Handicapped

Britney spears showed her disdain for the handicapped today by parking in their spot. Last time I checked being lazy and stupid wasn't a disability. Man she just has bad luck with cars, ya'll, maybe she's too stupid to drive. She couldn't be bothered parking two feet to the left while tanning today in LA. In too big of a hurry to read the sign...after all, that kind of reading would have taken her a while, and momma spears had to tan now! No time for reading when she's late to snort lines off of Jayden James' head.

chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, too bad he has never cried!

Hilarious! Chuck Norris Facts on the Best Damn Sports Show Period

The Bromance is Over Officially

More fake drama occured on the hills this week when Spencer tried to "reach out" to Brody. it didn't work out shockingly, and the former bros remained just that. The episode ended with a picturesque snuggle between brody and lauren. Thank god im sure the writers wouldn't be happy if the shows enemies made up. Then who would watch? But guyssss its so real! There was lots of set up scenes in New York, when the morons at Teen Vogue decide its necessary to fly two interns across the country. Smart thinking.

Real World: Sydney Recap

The Real World: Sydney became slightly more exciting when castmember Shavon left to please her whiny boyfriend. That's about the most exciting thing to happen on this show in years! oh yeah they also went to Cairns to bunjee jump,and then the audience fell asleep

Old French Whore for Halloween

What did Britney Spears go as for halloween? some kind of old french whore...saggy pirate hooker? Judge for yourself

Kobe NOT coming to Chicago

New Reports surfaced saying that Kobe Bryant will definately not be coming to the bulls. Talks could resume, but lets hope that the reviled basketball player keeps his ass out of Chicago.

Uggly Sluts of the week

Please stop wearing Uggs, they do not look good. Any girl wearing them should be tripped...and guys wearing them, well that should be punished with mandatory jail time. Do any of these things look good? Stop being lazy women of the world, i understand they are warm but you all look like crazy bitches. Get these things off the street!

P.S. girls in Uggs boots are also subject to review under the Crazy/Hot Continuum.

She loves the pussy

Continuing my parade of Britney Spears news...apparently she is now a lesbian, but not just any lesbian, one that demands some junk in the trunk. She claims that she is attracted to amateur porn star Kim Kardashian, who made a sex tape to force her fame upon us poor innocent bystanders. Britney called Kim a "horny beast" and a "real woman". As if the unhinged singer hasn't scarred her children enough she claimed that she liked her ass...it takes a real woman to eat enough cheetos to fill out that butt.

Expect a Britney Jr. Very soon

According to Life & Style Magazine Britney Spears is constantly forgetting to take her pill. She's constantly forgetting where she put them," says an insider, "She seems to find it amusing -- she laughs at how scattered she is." "She seems to think that just because she isn't in a formal relationship, she's somehow immune to getting pregnant."

Well maybe she needs to put more money into education cause apparently she's stupider than a freshman in remedial math.

You'd think that after 2 mistakes she'd learn, but if she has another she can just neglect it some more and maybe make it into some kind of slave? Bring mamma some more of that special water, little Cleutus.

Torre + Dodgers = Great

Finally the Dodgers get some help. Now that he is free from the clutches of George Steinbrenner Joe Torre has signed on with the LA Dodgers. Not only will this heat up a rivalry more interesting than Yankees/Boston but make the post season a little more exciting too.

Britney's Spending

According to THIS Britney Spears spends $4,758 a month on eating out. That's a lot of taco bell ya'll

She only spends $500 a month on charity and nothing on education. Big surprise there.

What will she eat when she goes bankrupt though? My guess is her children...

How sweet would it be to hear color

Cool article about hearing and tasting color

http://www.livescience.com/health/050222_synesthesia.html

Beast Pigs are Real and their Coming for you

Beast pigs are on their way. Thanks to growth hormones and irresponsible science beast pigs are being found all over including the above b.pig in Georgia. Experts have warned local rednecks and yokels to look out for these creatures as they might cause thousands of dollars worth or damage to trailers etc

http://www.livescience.com/animals/071102-new-peccary.html

Britney Spears on Drugs and High

"I feel like I'm missing out on life or something" Maybe that's why she's so crazy.

Check out this video of a messed up britney spears eating, babbling, and debating the physics of time travel. It's totally real, ya'll

What happens when you actually use Spam?

Ever wondered what would happen if you actually bought one of those products from a spam email? Whether is gr3at fake w@tches or herbal remedies to make your b00bs bigger, a normal person wouldn't fall for these dumb tricks.

This Article shows what happens when one brave soul bought something from a spam email/

http://tech.yahoo.com/blogs/null/56703/follow-the-spam-what-happens-if-you-buy-from-a-spammer

"The bottom line? Buying from a spam site just isn't worth the risk, no matter how good the deal seems."

Yep, The Hills is Fake

This video just exposes what we all already know. A paprazo explaining how Heidi and Spencer make money off of their lame photo ops. Yes, you may hate them but you are making them money and helping them to purchase overpriced clothing by caring about their twisted relationship



Again, their relationship is so horrible that this shouldn't be a surprise to anyone with any sense. Is anything on this show real? Well, Heidi's tits just might be the most real thing about it.

Tantastic

Just when i thought reality tv shows couldn't get any more superficial, i flip past the greatest show ever produced for the E! Network, Sunset Tan. The premise of the show is a tanning salon.

Yes, that's it, just a tanning salon.

The extra-guido owner has hired two Paris Hilton-esque twins to work for them. lets just say that to call these girls are mentally challenged is being nice. The show follows their foibles as they do crazy things such as: tan a nerd, tan celebrities, break tanning light bulbs, dont' sell enough lotion, etc.

Take a look at this clip with "celebrity" Chris Kattan.



First of all, Chris Kattan is the big celebrity? Since when? Also why are these two skanks trying to pimp themselves out to a middle aged celebrity? Is this show even real...or are these girls so dumb you just can't believe its real. Sadly I think we all know the answer to that.

Crack is Wack, Bitch

This is like the Halloween video, kind of funny, but stupid too.

ITS NOT TOO LATE FOR COSTUME IDEAS

It's not too late for Halloween costume ideas. Still need something fast? Here are some quick and easy costume ideas for every body type that will surely frighten everyone at your party.

If you are a...Fat Caucasian Man

Costume...Rosie O'Donnell

How to create...This one is easy. You can wear your regular attire..preferable a matching sport coat and pants and some sort of button up shirt. Get a short brown wig, a flinger for kush balls and be sure to argue with everyone you see!

If you are a...Slightly chunky teenie bopper

Costume...Britney Spears

How to create...black sparkly bra and panties, bad weave, bag of cheetos, several vicodin, 2 baby dolls you can neglect.

If you are...anorexic and missing some teeth

Costume...Amy Winehouse

How to create...find a large jar, fix it on top of your head...spray paint it black. Don't forget to knock out a few teeth and get some fake tattoos. Take a pushpin to your forearm a few times to simulate real heroin injection spots!

If you are...loud and/or a muppet

Costume...VH1's New York

How to create. Lots of fake hair, lots of make up, fake boobs, loud and obnoxious personality. For that extra effect, get another person to be your camera man

The Crazy/Hot/Bitch Continuum

I was talking with my friend the other day when the topic of the Crazy/Hot/Bitch Continuum came up. He had never heard of this before, which was shocking so i took it upon myself to educate him.
Now, everybody knows the basic principle. If a girl is really hot, its ok if she's crazy or a bitch. However, her craziness or bitchiness cannot exceed her hotness. This very principle is explained efficiently and excellently in this line graph i have concocted.As it shows, a girl with a crazy factor of "4" is acceptable only if she meets or exceeds a hot factor of 4. girls MUST stay at or above the red line.

This may require an example for maximum educational value.

Exhibit 1: Britney Spears.



5 years ago Britney spears would have been low on the crazy level and high on the hot level making her a perfect catch...she would be well above the red line. Even if she was as crazy as she is now, had she had her previous looks she probably still would have been on or close to the red line making her acceptable. Today, though, Britney does not meet the hot/crazy/bitch standards and falls well below the red line.

The same rule applies to girls who are bitches. replace the "crazy" with 'bitch" and it works just as well. The perfect example of this Madonna. Madonna is a huge bitch, but alas she is no longer hot. Therefore she would also fall below the red line.

Please, implement the use of this graph and methodology. Use it discreetly, however, and good luck

Just as i suspected!

According to THIS livescience.com article short people are evil. Pedophiles tend to be shorter than regular people, it states. It also explains how people who are shorter may have had an oxygen deficiency in the womb.

"We find pedophiles [like short people] are not quite up to biological snuff," said James M. Cantor, lead author of the study.

First Napoleon, now pedophiles...something needs to be done about the shortness problem in the world.

Last Chance!

The Rockies have one last chance to pull off something they've never done before. Come on there's still a shot. Boston did the same thing 3 years ago. Everyone is sick of the Red Sox the East Coast Teams. GO CR!

Game begins at 8pm eastern tonite

Famous People Who Smell

Another BRILLIANT list from Maxim, entitled, Famous People who look like they smell.

hahahahahaha

Its like they knew just what i was thinking.



The list includes Flava Flav and Louie Anderson, among other gems...but who's missing? Thoughts?

CLICK HERE TO READ THE REST

Finally gets the award she's deserved for so long

Maxim Magazine just released the 5 unsexiest women...topping the list is Sarah Jessican Parker. Finally people are starting to realize how horribly ugly she is. Others making the list are: Amy winehouse, Sandra Oh, Madonna, and Britney Spears. Amy Winehouse is definately not a surprise if you've ever seen her jackolantern face...but Sandra Oh is another deserving member of this list. Again, see her face if you need a reference.

Very Sad...

Wow, its bad when a 9 year old girl is the most responsible person in a situation. If you haven't seen this tape, IN FULL, watch it. You can't put this out of context.



Geraldo is no hard journalist but he knows how to create some drama, and some damning evidence. And who doesnt' love profiting off of her death. The father who owns the video, Geraldo, nobody really cares, when there's a profit to be made. Poor Anna Nicole Smith, never able to control her own life. Know who your friends are people, and try to stay in control of your lives.

The Real Fake World

Is it just me or has The Real World franchise gotten a whole lot stupider. Remember back in the day when the show discussed issues like AIDS, race relations, mental disease. Now its just spoiled drunk whores who want their 15 minutes of fame.

When did this begin? My theory is that it began after one of the original Real World cast members, Eric Neis, got a job on MTV. This point was the begining of then end, when every moron and moronette on the show realized...hey i could spin this into some fame! So instead of being real they became as fake as possible, turning the Real World closer and closer into the yet to be produced, Laguna Beach.

People don't need to be real for reality tv...they need to be fake, to create ridiculous drama that wouldn't occur in the real world. Furthermore, instead of doing anything interesting like promoting a cause they just get drunk and act like whores. Instead of fighting about something that matters, they go at it over other things.

Like, ummmmm for example...Shavonda and Parisa like the same guy!!! omg u guyz!! but Parisa talked to him so shavonda started bitching but she already has a boyfriend but parisa called her a whore and that is sooo unfair! These things matter !

Confused? Bewildered? Disgusted? Did you throw up a little in your mouth? Good, that's how you should feel.

This still doesn't even compare to the really good fights that have gone on before.
The following is the 3 greatest bitch fights in Real World History

Brooke Vs. City of Denver -- she couldn't find the beauty salon and began yelling at the lamp posts and bums

Brynn V. Stephen -- She threw a fork at him and he deemed her dangerous and threatening

CT V. Tina -- She bought 2 lbs of ham and ct ate half of it!!!

That stuff is so unfair...i mean a fork! That could have messed up his gelled hair and then he's have to redo it!! And God forbid it hit him in his face and he end up not so pretty anymore.

side note: does anybody remember Tonya and all her issues? "Oh my God, its a black guy" haha

The thing is none of this stuff matters, but we act like it does. What if we put this much effort into caring about AIDS in Africa, the broken education system, or the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan?

More Bad News

I just read THIS which means more bad news for us. Staph infections are showing up everywhere and the only way to protect yourself is to stop using those stupid antibacterial hand sanitizers and wipes and start washing your hands.

Using antibacterial wipes and sanitizers only kills the good bacteria that is killing the resistant stuff. So, use your head this winter and don't go overboardd.

Don't Forget

7PM tonite BoSox at Colorado. Can they make a comeback? ESPN doesn't think so.

Dumb yet Funny

Stupid but kind of funny too:

The Hills...Fake? NO WAY

Shocking news broke earlier in the week with THIS crazy interview. The allegations: that MTV reality show "The Hills" is scripted and the drama is not, in fact, real. It has already been concluded that the people are fake, however.

The most shocking of these allegations, that Brody Jenner is "a pretty chill guy"

"Absolutely, from the very beginning. Like, they totally set up the BBQ scene for Brody and I to meet each other and talk because, as they said, “the audience would get a kick out of seeing ‘the ex’ talking to ‘the new guy’.” So they rent this house in Malibu for a set, bought a bunch of food and drinks, and just filmed us hanging out. Brody would talk all this sh*t, then be like, “Sorry about that, we’re just trying to make good television.”

Like, furthermore, LC, like, allegedly, doesn't have, like, a complex thought in her head, and may even be "shallow".

OMG!!!

"I honestly had a really hard time talking to her - she’s kind of a conversation killer, and when the cameras are rolling, all conversation is kept firmly on the surface. She talked about how mean Perez Hilton was, and how you have to be nice to the Paparazzi so they don’t release the uglier pictures of you. I don’t know – pop culture, Red Bull, stuff like that. In fact, the most interesting thing I got out of her was that she isn’t allowed to eat ice cream because her trainer told her she can’t."



This damning evidence proves that the shows producers are liars when they claim that the people are the drama are "real".

Like, is this really shocking though? The show gets multiple camera angles and the actors are never seen when they aren't made up. Are we really to expect that these spoiled people all have jobs and go to school? Yeah right. How does one get an internship at Teen Vogue when she hasn't even started her freshman year at some third rate college anyway? I'm sure MTV and viacom had nothing to do with that.

The point is people don't care if The Hills is real or not they just want a life filled with drama. If we do have to watch these stupid shows i hope we can take something positive away from them. Lest, we simply waste 25 minutes of our lives on the show. At least we can look at the people on these shows and say, at least im not Heidi or LC, who in 10 years aren't even going to be able to gain employment in a porno.

Poor San Diego

Evacuated San Diegans watch as Mt. San Miguel is ablaze on the night of October 23.

Poor San Diego, one of my favorite cities is being destroyed. Last news is that the fires are slowing due to cool weather, though

Eat Breakfast People!

I've Been Harping at this forever. Pay attention, I was right.

What's Death?

To go along with my post about ghosts, I think this is an important and interesting read.

"Dude! You totally Melvined Death!" Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (1991)

http://www.menshealth.com/cda/article.do?site=MensHealth&channel=health&category=doctors.hospitals&conitem=3920bd78cf565110VgnVCM10000013281eac____#


"The patient watched us file in. When I saw the expression on his face, my anxiety about what I was going to say seemed suddenly unimportant.

He knew. He already knew. He barely listened as I reported what we had learned from the lab. Then there was silence. He looked back at me as if I weren't there and said, "I'm going to die, aren't I?"

Return of a great

does anybody remember Andy Milonakis (sp?) before we knew his name ...we just called him crispy. I have to revive this one of the greatest clips ever!

Hilarious

This is AMAZING

Quit Being Crazy

I think everybody has to take a good and hard look at this video. Its about how people create the drama in their lives theirselves.

http://www.mandjshow.com/videos/self-sabotage/

So everyone should think about that lest their lives take a turn like these videos and everyone begins asking if they can be america's next top model

Ghosts

Its the time of year when everyone becomes more interested in paranormal activity. Be it real or fake, people like being scared. When trolling youtube for something scary i came across this nugget



Check out those faces at 3:00 and 8:45. Are those masks? Are they fake? what makes someone decide that those aren't maksks and must be real ghosts?


Now, take a look at this clip which labels the ghosts for you:




Vidhya Ramasami, of Naperville, IL believe that she is being stalked by a clumsy ghost named Stevie, who likes to play tricks on her. She cites many stranges noises and occurances in her many apartments. "Ghosts are in fact real." she states finally. Is she right? or just another derranged enthusiast? What do YOU think?

HI

kalissa