Flava Flav Returns to Embarass Himself Again

Flava Flav has returned to VH1 for yet another trainwreck reality show. Flava has bills to pay, yo, those gold teeth aren't free...and neither are those clocks (I imagine he changes them every day).

On the season premier he gets upset that some of the "women" on the show aren't hot enough.

2 Things

1. Some????? Try... ALL of the "women" on the show aren't hot enough.

2. Flava Flav looks like an over cooked gremlin. He is smelly, he is sweaty, he is musty, he probably has moldy patches, and he is OLD. And Come on, if he had any money he wouldn't be on VH1! Anyway, the point is he should cling on to whatever he can get!

Question -- How is this man fathering so many children? Who is having sex with him? Isn't that about as bad as doing it with Michael Jackson?

Anyway if you want to watch a good old fashioned Train Wreck, an are tired of Britney Spears...then Tunes into VH1 for Flava of Love.

Will Ferrell Pays Homage to his favorite Female Basketball Coach

Will Ferrell decided to get some attention when he went to...wherever dressed like this.

Clearly this was nothing more than a tribute to one of his favorite female basketball coaches (Pat Summit Anyone?)...or maybe a gym teacher? Wait...my Gym Teacher...Mrs. McCaffrey *shudders* I still have nightmares about that woman.

Seriously though, that's exactly how she dressed. And when she got mad cause you were doing sit-ups properly...all that fabric was a whole lot of scary.

Microsoft to Yahoo: "Up Your Nose with a Rubber Hose"

In the epic fight for the hostile takeover Microsoft Corporation has resorted to some pre-high school techniques to get at Yahoo!

Microsoft will effectively nominate its own people to Yahoo!'s board of directors in hopes that many of them will get elected and approve their takeover bid. Wait...this sounds familiar...I believe this is how Tommy Moorehouse got elected Student Council President of my 7th Grade Class.

I thought this type of behavior ended after High School?!?

Guess Not.

Yahoo will probably reject the idea of a takeover, mostly because Microsoft is "smelly" and has a "big butt". There is also an unsubstantiated rumor that Microsoft picks its nose and eats it. Although Microsoft has yet to confirm or deny this accusation.

Advertisements on Cell Phones

I use Google's Gmail...and I find it to be extremely creepy. There's always adds on the sidebar of the email tailored to whatever you are emailing to people. I casually said "oh, sorry" in one of my emails and advertisements for sympathy cards and "say your sorry through a floral gift" came up. It was almost as if the slightly disturbing employees at Google are sitting in their Mountain View, CA offices and having a ball reading everyone's email. I can just imagine them coming up with joke advertisements for all of the hilarious emails they read from the rest of us schmucks.

Email advertising is bad enough, but now the powers that be at Google, Apple, Nokia etc want to advertise on your cellphone. Thanks to GPS technology companies like Starbucks and Walgreens are going to send special offers to our cell phones when we walk within the proximity of one of their stores. Although, they are just testing this idea now...you know damn well they are actually going to do this soon.

I already get enough texts...now i have to get crap from Starbucks too? I don't even like coffee!

Is anybody else ready to throw their phones in the trash and move to a beach in Brazil? I am.

Stupidity

I watched a guy cross the street while talking on a cell phone today, and he almost got hit by three different cars...at one intersection...that had a 4 way stop. How do you get almost hit at an all way stop? I just can't explain it but I have come up with some very true assumptions.

1. People get 25% more stupid when they get behind the wheel of a car.

2. People get 15% more stupid when they hold a cell phone in their hand. Add an Extra 7% to that for when they're actually talking on a cell phone. Then add 10% to the initial 15% if they are texting.

3. When its raining outside people lose at least 33.3% of their IQ. So, that's an entire third of their intelligence.

4. When its snowing that percentage shoots up to 45%

Therefore, If someone is driving and texting while it is snowing...they are using only 5% of their intelligence. But hey, that's still 4% more than the contestants on "Flavor of Love 3"

Fuhrer Hillary: There is nothing left to say

There is nothing left to say...

Britney Spears: Role Model for College Kids Everywhere

So Britney Spears has been cast as a crazy, out of control, slightly sympathetic villan by today's media outlets. Britney does all kinds of Crazy things She drinks like a sailor. May, possibly, have other substances enter her body through her nostrils or veins. She neglects her responsibilities and hygiene. She drives dangerously. She hooks up with random guys and bad influences. Worst of all she loves attention and even goes to starbucks daily!

This is awful...she sounds like...like....well like any average college student at a major public university.

Why do we love reading about her??? Cause she's juuust like us. Think about college. Drinking every day, neglecting your responsibilities, living in a filthy dorm and having to shower with an entire floor of people. Yes, there are always those people willing to take a shower in the dorms without shower shoes. Not me, though.

And don't even get me started with the hookups...like that's anything new. As for making fun of her constant Starbuck's runs, how is that any different than everybody in this country. Yeah, there's a good reason theres 3 Starbucks on every corner...cause this country is full of 300 million people just like Britney!

Bad drivers that put others at risk...again, i see that every day on every street. Another thing i saw every day at college was erratic behavior. Sorority rituals, bizarre hazings, streaking, random people screaming violent poetry from a podium on the quad. I even witnessed a girl on her cell so distraught over her fight with a boyfriend that her crying and screaming sounded like a pig getting raped by a donkey. After screaming she took her anger and hurt out on an innocent shrub.

Responsibility? What's that? In college, the only responsibility is to go to class, and psshhh...who does that. I mean its thursday...and that's, like, almost the weekend.

So, before you go judging Britney Spears...think of your own life...and how imperfect it is. It's probably not that different from yours. And, if your in college, chances are that you are just like her...maybe take notes. What would Britney do?

The Lost Report

For anyone watching lost...the question is still: What the hell is going on?

The biggest questions remain.

How is hurley Still so huge?

When is Miles going to die, cause seriously i hate that guy. they kill off perfectly good characters like Charlie but bring on this one??? It would be AWESOME if Hurley would like sit on him and crush him to death.

How did Ben get off the island?

And why did they launch an entire rocket just to give them a clock. Granted we learned that time is different...but a clock?

Lets hope that Sawyer stays on the island cause he's (generally) the funniest one.

Loud Sex Girl Strikes Again

You read about her previous adventure taking it up the butt. Well, she's at it again. Maybe you care, maybe its too much info, but i'm telling you anyway. After a few minutes of the typical moaning that causes my neighbor to turn his TV up she actually said: "Ok, ok we can try again, but this time use real lube."

Now, this begs the question...real lube? What was he using before? Butter? Oil? (Remember these two aren't too smart so the possibilities are many and HILARIOUS)

Ok, so here is the play by play. She is saying OW a bunch, but just said keep going but slower. Clearly it doesn't hurt as it did before when she was screaming to the heavens for him to exit.

Now its all pretty standard fair...nothing too hilarious. But wait! The plot thickens.

The typically silent man is now shouting and cussing up a storm. LSG is apologizing profusely and asked for a towel. Her exact words: "Get a towel dumbass fast!"

What has just occured, I can only guess (and I bet you can too). However, this is too gross for me now, its time for me to turn my TV up as well. Until the next.

Hillary: Cackling her way to the top

In a sad display the monday before Super Tuesday Hillary Clinton started to cry again. Yes, again. Its just another attempt to lead us to believe that she's human...which most of us know is untrue. So after her somewhat strong showing on Super Tuesday I feel that it is my duty to inform you that the 'cry at the drop of a hat candidate' is...in fact... a witch.


Shocking?

Not Really.

I mean simply take a look at that picture. The wart-y nose, the cackling sound her laugh makes. If that isn't a witch that has flown off the handle, then what is? This is what i ask you.

Hillary has bewitched voters and supporters by casting spells over the tv signals. Her most powerful spells, of course are done when she is crying (which, apparently, is frequent)

Rumors abound about her powers. Most currently is a rumor floating around that if she were to lose her head two would grow back in its place. So far only few have been able to resist, most notable Barak Obama, who is fighting the good fight, against this evil.

We must resist her powers...for America.

Why? Because, we don't want a White House made out of gingerbread.